Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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