happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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