got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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