Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
