Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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