Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
