hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
