Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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