Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
