OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
