I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
