dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
