I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
