I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize