fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
