Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize