his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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