Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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