I'm lost and stupid without you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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