Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
