im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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