sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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