Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
