I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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