is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
