Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
