Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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