I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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