I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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