she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize