I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
