upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
