Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this hospital has no fireball
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
