My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
