i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
