Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
