She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
