so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
