Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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