Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
zippers are such a cool invention
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize