Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
