things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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