Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
