Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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