dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
