Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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