Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need to stop coming to work sober
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize