Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
