i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it penis luge time yet?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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