we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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