He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize