I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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