i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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