grandma shit on top of the toilet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
