You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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