This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
zippers are such a cool invention
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
