I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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