she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize