you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
