WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Drunk is not a location!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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