You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
