His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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