Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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