If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
