She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
