Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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