as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
