I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
