a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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