Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
