The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Houston, we have a blender
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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