I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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