Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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