He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize