bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
