Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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