I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
