You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
