would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
