Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
