Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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