some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize