If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
