got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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