Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
