Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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