and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
