So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize