Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
