dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
