please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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