You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
