My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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