the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
