a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
