best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When are your genitals available?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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