if i can run in heels then i can drive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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