I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
