Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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