i just google imaged poop.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
