Im at strip club and am horny
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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